It’s a bit of a broken record that we’ve heard too much of: “Don’t blame others. You are responsible.”
There is something deeper behind this advice your uncle could give you during a family meal between the main course and the dessert after two or three glasses of wine.
Responsibility is not only to be applied when you’re angry at something or when fate appears to work against you. Responsibility should be applied in as many areas as possible.
“You have no control over this or that.” It means “Your life doesn’t belong to you.” What a scary and false sentence…
Everything you call life is how you interpret all stimuli that eventually come into your brain through your five senses. Your brain is your life because everything happens in there.
Eventually, there is nothing good or bad for a tree — apart from what could threaten its survival. Life is mainly neutral. We are the ones who have taken the habit of making a big deal out of it.
Don’t Simply Take, Act
Let’s get realistic. Learning to endure to perfection what life is ready to throw at you is quite depressing. The good news is; You can also influence fate.
Chance is rarer than many would have you believe. What you call luck or bad luck, is more or less directly induced by your actions.
You are more likely to cross paths with Leonardo DiCaprio if you live in Paris than in Le Touquet. You will have a better chance of becoming a rockstar by posting your guitar covers online instead of keeping them for you.
See chance as the probability that a paper ball thrown from a house’s roof falls into a trashcan below. Your choices, your decisions, and your actions increase the surface taken by the trashcan in your garden. Eventually, it may take up so much space that the paper ball will have no choice but to fall in.
Change is Uncomfortable
Look no further for the meaning of life. Everything you do matters. That’s why you should take as much responsibility as possible.
You’ll have this deadly desire to blame things outside of your control. And sometimes, you’ll do. It’s easy to think that a system or a broader phenomenon is the reason for your failure or your discontent. It’s easy to find all the reasons not to question ourselves.
Have you already felt tired for days after leaving your old habits? A change of city, a change of job or school?
Your brain operates on autopilot most of the time to avoid fatigue. If you suddenly change its environment, the autopilot doesn’t work anymore. All the unconscious tasks go to the conscious state in one go. Walking to the bus station. Saying hello to your colleagues. Everything is new and embodies a change that pulls your brain’s energy down. And it’s uncomfortable.
This mechanism takes place when you have to choose between saying nothing and saying stop. Some people end up saying stop. Other never take the plunge and remain in their current situation until something outside of their control change that.
What’s the cost of doing nothing? Sadness and regrets.
It Starts with Questions
In all situations you stumble upon, ask yourself: Can you change the situation? Can you change yourself? Can you leave the situation?
Sitting back and waiting for someone else to respond to them is the best option for having regrets and feeling miserable.
It won’t always happen in a flash. If you don’t like your job, you can’t leave overnight. However, you can decide to train on skills you like, to find another source of income or another company to work for.
It’s the case for anything you have. This toxic friend is not a lifeline to your loneliness. You’re not obliged to eat sh*tty food. It’s not that you don’t have the time, it’s more than you have chosen your priorities wrong.
Also, forget about the rescuers. No one will take responsibility for you. No government, no friend, no boy or girlfriend should be responsible for you. Life is a single player game, you will end it alone, and all the people you know will dye at some point.
It sounds dramatic, but it’s not. It let you free of doing whatever you want. Make friends, connect with people, have deep relationships, but do not forget: Do it for you and only you. It’s not selfish, your are the only person you should work at making happy.
From now, assume that everything that happens to you is your fault. You don’t get what you want because of your lack of work, preparation, and anticipation. You get what you want, not by chance, but because of your work, intelligence, and talent.
Don’t look for excuses, and don’t be modest. Look for responsibility and be humble.